Over him, Just not the idea

Here I am 9 months after breaking up with my boyfriend. Happy, healthy and moved on. Or at least I thought I was until I heard about his new girlfriend being in town, OH the devastation. My initial thought was WAHHHHH why is she here. Than it kinda turned into a sad thought, Id noticed his family ( once my second family ) Commenting on photos of them, and it made my heart sink. I was once the “prize” girlfriend they’d all come to love and confide in. Now im the ex girlfriend that isn’t even mentioned or thought of. The sad part about a break up is that quite often you’re not just losing one person. Not to long ago I was basically living at his house, always going on family vacations, weddings, funerals.

I truly thought we’d be together forever, not a word of a lie. Even with all the sneaking around and arguements I looked at him and was truly content. Now I realize I was just rediculously love struck. AKA = Nieve. I was completely crazy about the idea of him. The kissing, the romance and the excitement. I loved everything about being in a relationship, but once trust is out of the window, It will always go down hill and I wish I jumped out of the wagon sooner.  The whole 9 yards I was there. It seems I can’t get away from any emotions towards him, Whether it be anger or heartbreak. It will cross my mind some time or other. From my past expieriences I can’t help but push away any guy who shows interest. I don’t ever wanna go through the heartbreak again, I’ve never felt so mentally torn in my life.

People are so nieve and quite often look down on young love. But who are people to judge, isn’t love love no matter what age? Im capable of loving someone and caring about someone just as much as a 30 year old. I am thinking that these emotions are normal, but I can’t help but feel weary about them. Its not so much him I miss, but the general idea of a boyfriend. Its hard to think of how quickly I was replaced, hardly missed at all. Three years of my life seem like a quick chapter in his. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t phased by the whole situation. Its way over due that I just let it go though, unfortunatly I know that. Rejection is just a terrible feeling that I just can’t seem to shake.  Questions Ill never get answers to; Never good enough.

I call it like i see it.

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~ by icallithowiseeit on June 2, 2011.

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